If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize