I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
