So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
