Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize