It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
