That's intense
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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