At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
