when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
