ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
