I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
