He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do herpes really smell.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
