it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
