Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
