next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
