Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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