you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
