Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
