Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
