I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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