So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
