I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
