i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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