Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
