i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
