He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
