I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
