She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
