Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
