Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
