i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So many bounce houses so little time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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