you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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