im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
