smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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