im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
