she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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