me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
