The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
