Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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