I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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