im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
