Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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