actually, I'm a sock model
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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