Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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