tonight lets celebrate not being married
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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