Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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