he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
