Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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