I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
