Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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