I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wear drunk well.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize