mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
