cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
