I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
