oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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