the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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