she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
