Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
