I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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