a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
