Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
