He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
