We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
