my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
babies were throwing up all over the place
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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