He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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