Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize